It has begun. I am stopping breastfeeding Little I. She has (finally) accepted the bottle and we have dropped two feeds this week. She now only feeds from me first thing in the morning and at bedtime. She has an afternoon bottle of formula plus cows milk in her food.
She has been sleeping through the night which accidentally dropped another feed but last night she woke up and wanted feeding. I refused her and instead changed her nappy, gave her a cuddle and put her back to bed awake. She went straight off to sleep, clearly she didn't need it. A cuddle and a clean bum was comfort enough.
I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. On one hand I am about to get back (relative) freedom after being attached at the nipple to a baby for over 7mths but on the flip side I am creeping closer to my last EVER breastfeed. Which makes me want to cry.
Feeding my babies hasn't been easy. We are talking nipple thrush, mastitis and unflattering underwear but they have both thrived on my supply and the knowledge that I have nourished them for so long makes me feel very proud. Whilst I want to stop, I don't want to. It was easier with Little E because I wanted a second who I would (hopefully) breastfeed so I had the reassurance that I would do it all again. We aren't planning any further children so my last breastfeed really is my last breastfeed...
I've been thinking about why I don't want to breastfeed any longer than I did with Little E (9mths) and I don't really have an answer. I don't know why I want to stop really. Maybe I don't want to but everyone else expects me to. Or perhaps it is my now unstable hormones talking! But I know after the hassle we've been through getting Little I to accept a bottle at all I have to keep going and follow through completely. She has made it very clear she isn't one of these babies you can flick between breast and bottle willynilly. But for now she is letting me cut down slowly which I am grateful for after Little E's point blank refusal to take a bottle from me, forcing me to go completely cold turkey on the breastfeeding.
It all feels so bitter sweet. Cue the tears...
Linking up with The Breastfeeding Diaries at zenas-suitcase.co.uk